The Truth About Self-Trust (and Why It's Not Transactional)

Hey wild-hearted wanderer,

Since I last wrote to you, something has been settling deeper into my bones—a realization that feels like both a quiet truth and a gentle homecoming, a relief and a release, a liberation of sorts:

Self-trust is not transactional.

It’s not something we gain or lose based on external validation.
It’s not something that fluctuates based on numbers, engagement, or approval.
It’s not something that needs to be earned.

Self-trust is our connection to ourself. It’s body-led, not validation-led. It’s alive within each one of us, and it does not rely on external markers.

This truth first landed in my body after I returned to Instagram last week. And then it landed again, this time fully during a recent yin yoga practice. As I settled into a swan pose for a deep hip stretch, I felt the weight of old stories I used to believe—stories that told me my worth was tied to outcomes, to how I was received, to whether what I shared resonated with others, to whether others validated my truth for me.

And then, just as gently, I felt those stories dissolve. I realised that my ego has no place in my yin practice. If you’re familiar with yin practice, you’ll know how challenging it is to hold the same pose for minimum 3-5 minutes, to be confronted by your body’s limitations, your mental narratives, your restlessness. But the irony is that there’s nothing to prove. We don’t show up for others. We don’t show up to prove our worthiness. We show up because there’s a part of us that’s called.

And that realisation reverberated through my undefined Ego center in my bodygraph. An insight emerged around my self-trust and my learned behaviour around needing to prove my worth.

One truth bomb after another landed deep in my bones:

🤍 The number of subscribers I lose does not diminish my connection to myself.

🤍 The way others respond to my truth does not determine its validity.

🤍 My worth is not something that can be measured, tracked, or counted.

And I wonder—how often do we unconsciously tie our sense of trust in ourselves to external markers?

How often do we let the mind dictate our worth based on things that were never meant to define us?

The Not-Self & The Stories We Carry

This is the essence of the Not-Self—the parts of us shaped by conditioning, societal norms, familial expectations, and old mental narratives based on past experiences. The parts of us that are open in our design and, therefore, susceptible to these external influences. It’s the parts of us that believe:

• I have to overcompensate to prove my worth.

• I need to have it all figured out by now.

• I can’t slow down, or I’ll fall behind.

• I better conform and be agreeable so I can fit in.

• I need to keep talking to be seen and heard.

• I need to hold onto this because nothing else will take its place.

These stories often run quietly in the background, influencing our choices, pulling us away from our natural flow. They’re our psychological defense mechanism that’s ultimately rooted in fear. It’s the mind’s way of protecting us from a perceived threat, whether it’s real or based on our past experiences. They’re stories we tell ourselves to create some semblance of safety and belonging.

And for so long, I didn’t even see it in my own life.

I thought my restlessness was just part of me.
I thought my need to control the outcome was just how I was wired.
I thought my urge to prove myself was normal.

But none of these things were truly me.

They were just patterns—stories my mind created to keep me safe, to make sense of things, to try to control what was never mine to control. And when I started seeing them for what they were, something shifted.

I started noticing when I was making decisions from my mind instead of my body.
I started catching myself in the loop of needing validation before trusting myself.
I started giving myself permission to pause, breathe, and choose differently.

A Gentle Exploration of Your Own Stories

Ultimately, this is why I created the Mini Self-Discovery Reading. This is why the not self concept excites me the most about Human Design.

You may notice the name change of this reading because, ultimately, it’s not about pointing out patterns or behaviours in a way that feels confronting (although, it most likely will). Rather, I want it to be a space where you can see yourself with deeper clarity and compassion.

It’s also not about your design telling you who you are or what your purpose is or how to “fix” yourself. The longer I observe my own design, the deeper I see the whole experiment as an invitation to explore the stories shaping your life—to look at them with curiosity instead of judgment, to bring them into awareness so that you can choose a different way of being, a more empowered and conscious way of being.

It’s a gentle, body-led exploration of your mental narratives. A way to see where conditioning might be influencing your decisions and how to come back to your natural rhythm.

Here’s what you’ll receive:

🤍 A 20-minute recorded message based on your bodygraph, delivered to your inbox.
🤍 Insights into the core mental stories shaping your choices.
🤍 A fresh perspective on trusting your own pace, decision-making, and self-convictions.
🤍 One key breathwork practice to help shift mental noise and reconnect with your body’s wisdom.

I’ve opened limited spots for this round to keep it intimate and intentional. Please be aware that I will need your exact birth data to pull up your bodygraph.

If this calls to you, you can book your reading here for £22.

And if now is not the time, I simply invite you to reflect:

• What’s a story you’ve been telling yourself that might not actually be yours?

• What happens when you pause long enough to listen to your body instead of your mind?

Because sometimes, just seeing the story is enough to start shifting it.

Sending you space to breathe,
Silvia

Thank you for reading today’s letter. If my words resonated and you want to learn more about how to work with me, please check out my website, connect with me through a free discovery call, or book a recorded Mini Self-Discovery Reading.

I’d love to journey with you.