The Hidden Story That Shapes Our Lives

Hey, wild-hearted wanderer,

Have you ever felt like you’re spinning the same story over and over again? No matter how much time you’ve spent on journalling or therapy or exploring the aisles of the self-help books, there’s this underlying pattern that keeps showing up, pulling you back into old ways of being. It’s frustrating, right? But it’s also an invitation—a chance to look even deeper. And this is exactly what I’m inviting us all into for the next few weeks.

Lately, I’ve been revisiting a concept in Human Design that feels so alive for me right now. It’s called the Primary Mapping of the Not-Self Mind—the core thematic that governs the way our conditioned mind operates. And let me tell you, this concept has been pivotal in helping me understand my past, my patterns, and the behaviours I’ve repeated for years. Ultimately, it’s been the insight that changed everything.

But more than that, it’s given me something even more profound: compassion, love, and forgiveness for all the past versions of myself who didn’t know any better.

So, grab a cuppa, find a snuggly corner and let’s explore the concept of the not-self mind.

What Is the Not-Self Mind?

In Human Design, the not-self mind is the part of us that has been shaped and conditioned by external influences—our upbringing, societal norms, cultural expectations, and peer pressure. It’s not inherently “bad” or “wrong,” but it isn’t truly us. It’s a part of us that seeks safety, stability, love, direction, and belonging from outside ourselves, believing that something external can fill the gaps we feel within.

The not-self mind operates from a place of disconnection, leading us farther away from our natural state of being—our true essence. It pulls us into patterns and decisions that don’t align with who we truly are, making us question our innate wisdom and truthfulness. Over time, it builds on false foundations, steering us away from the unique way we are designed to navigate life.

Empowered Reframe

Here’s the empowering part: once we become aware of the not-self mind and its patterns, we can begin to dissolve its hold. By tuning into our Type, Strategy, and Authority, we reconnect with our natural state, moving through life with a sense of alignment, authenticity, and ease.

Rather than seeing the not-self mind as something negative or a part of us that needs to be eliminated or eradicated, think of it as the part of us that we lack awareness for. It’s the patterns, beliefs and behaviours we’re not consciously aware of.

The concept we’ll be looking at reveals the thematic that shapes those unconscious decisions, keeping us stuck in a loop. It’s the story we tell ourselves, often without realizing it—the narrative that keeps us spiraling back into familiar, unaligned ways of being.

A Personal Look at My Undefined Ego

My own core narrative stems from my undefined Ego Center. The theme here is all about self-worth, value, and willpower—or, as I’ve often perceived it, the lack of it. It’s shown up most prominently in my work life, driving me to prove my worth in ways that, I now see, were shaped by societal conditioning from my childhood and school days.

I was a “good” student—straight As, obedient, quiet, never rocking the boat. I learned early on that my worth was tied to external validation: good grades, approval from teachers, making my parents proud. Success, I was taught, came from being practical, dependable, and safe. And so, I followed that path—earning a living, keeping a roof over my head.

But there was always this quiet niggle—a longing for something more satisfying, something off the beaten path. Whenever I tried to step outside the box, though, it never quite worked. In hidnsight, I can see why: I was forcing things, trying to control my path, doing what others deemed as practical and safe, all while operating from the Not-Self narrative of my undefined Ego.

External Validation and the Story of “Not Enough”

As a kid, I sought worth through good grades. As an adult, that same pattern has played out on social media. Every heart, like, or comment became proof of my value. And when the hearts didn’t come, I blamed myself. “There’s proof I’m not enough. I’m not worthy. No one likes me or what I have to say.”

This story—the belief that my worth is determined externally—has shaped so much of my life. It’s the narrative that whispers, “If only I could prove my worth, then I’d be loved. Then I’d be satisfied. Then I’d belong.”

And it’s not just about social media. It’s the story I’ve carried into every interaction, every decision. It’s the root of the “not good enough” loop my mind spins whenever I feel excluded, misunderstood, or unseen.

Why This Awareness Matters

Discovering this narrative through Human Design has been eye-opening. But what truly started to shift that narrative for me was breathwork. I look at Human Design as a tool that provides us intellectual understanding. But unless we explore these concepts as embodied experiences, we’re never really going to alchemise our stories, patterns and beliefs into something more empowering.

It’s not about eliminating things, rather, when we work with the not-self mind, it’s about cultivating deeper levels of awareness and seeing these parts of ourselves for what they are: stories, shaped by conditioning, not a truth about who we are.

This awareness has allowed me to start shifting my perspective. Instead of blaming myself or spiraling into old patterns, I’m learning to pause, take a breath, and choose differently.

Compassion has been key here—offering love to those past versions of me who didn’t know any better, who were doing their best with the tools they had. And forgiveness, too—for the times I’ve let this narrative guide my life.

What About You?

I’d love to invite you into this exploration with me. As you read this, does a particular story or pattern come to mind for you?

• What is a recurring theme that shows up in your life?

• How has it shaped your decisions, relationships, or sense of self-worth?

• What might shift if you started to see it as a story rather than a truth?

If you feel called, hit reply and share your reflections with me. There’s so much power in naming these patterns, and I’d be honoured to hold space for you as you unravel them.

Next time, I’m truly excited to illustrate this concept for you through the bodygraph of someone I’m totally obsessed with right now. I want to show you how the core narrative is the underpinning of our not-self mind and how this person has been able to find love and acceptance within the journey of self-exploration.

Honestly, I’m having to contain my excitement so I don’t overwhelm your inbox as originally this was a 2000-word letter. Instead, I’ve decided to break it up and spread it across the next few weeks. I hope that will feel as spacious for you as it has for me.

For now, let’s pause, take a deep, nourishing breath, and remind ourselves this:

Sending you love, compassion, and a deep breath,
Silvia

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